Strange But True

Latest news from the world of the subnormal

This photograph is conclusive proof that genetically modified tomatoes can cause physical mutation in humans.

The man in the photograph, known to his friends as Tommy, used to eat two or three cheese and tomato pizzas a week. The tomato was unfortunately a GM tomato paste.

Tommy said, "My life is in a right old pickle, all the girls laugh at me, I only attract the attention of green flies and gardening nutters who want to cut my head off and enter it in vegetable shows. This GM food makes me see red."

A government spokesman said, "It would seem that the questions regarding the safety of GM foods have yet to be fully answered. There is no way we will pay any damages because it's all the fault of the last government. For all we know this man could be some sort of drug addict and anyway he's from Scotland so why should that worry us here in London. There are far more important tasks for the government to address, like how we can squeeze more taxes out of British public."

Don't say you haven't been warned and don't forget you read it here first.