Strange But True

Woolly Jumpers

Ever since biblical times, there have been shepherds who tended their flocks by night! Therefore, we know that certain men have an unnatural tendency towards sheep. Recent studies undertaken by the Derby University have proved that male Derby County Supporters are probably the most fanatical sheep worriers in the world, clearly putting the Australians and Welsh into second and third place respectively with Yorkshiremen coming up close behind them.

Only 10% of Scottish Highlanders were found to be attracted to sheep but they were as active as the Yorkshiremen. The study put this down to the remoteness of these men from any civilisation. The study also found that only 2% of Frenchmen were sheep lovers but they tended to be very active and the frequency of visits to their bleating lovers was only beaten by Derby County Supporters. The score for Londoners was strongly affected by the poor availability to sheep in the capital and demands for large scale sheep grazing on Hyde Park have been made to parliament.

An Australian government spokesman said, "We are pissed off with being beaten into second place, we don't like coming second to anyone. The Australian government is planning to spend a million dollars on sheep shagging promotion leaflets over the next two years, that's a million dollars more than that bloody Derby County team is worth."

In reply a representative for Derbyshire's sheep shagging community said, "It's in our blood, I've been brought up with sheep and I had a lamb when I was just a boy. We're nothing short of insane perverts, there's no way a load of deported convicts could beat us at sheep molesting."

Not everyone is happy with the situation in Derby, especially the RSPCA who are dealing with hundreds of sexually abused sheep every week. "The problem has got out of hand", said one volunteer. "We not only have to help the poor innocent animals that have been raped in the fields, we've now got young promiscuous ewes flocking to Derby thinking that working the streets is preferable to the butcher's knife. They don't realise that once they've lost their looks they're for the chop. These perverts don't like mutton dressed as lamb."